A Baby? Definitely!

Our first ultrasound was yesterday and I feel as if I'm now "officially" pregnant. It was so exciting. Our appointment was at 3:30 in the afternoon. Rob and I both got off of work early and headed downtown to the doctor's office together.

We were called back into the ultrasound room. Off went the pants and up on the table I go. At that point I was so nervous about the doctor finding something wrong, I was petrified that he would tell me that the baby didn't grow. So petrified in fact that when he came in and said congratulations and how are you feeling, all I could do was mumble "Fine" and that was it. No, "We're so thrilled Dr. H" or "I'm having a bit of morning sickness but other than that I'm doing well." Just "Fine."

Out came the oh-so-pleasant internal ultrasound wand and here we go. The doctor right away said. "Ok, this looks good. See that that little blob? Here I'll zoom in, see that? That is the heartbeat. Hold on let me put the microphone on." At first we heard nothing and then...



ba-bump, ba-bump, ba-bump


Wow. Just wow. That is my baby's heart. Beating. Inside me. Rob's eyes were as wide as dinner plates and I couldn't say anything for fear of just plain breaking down and crying. This is real. That is a real live heart beating. Beating at 139 beats per minute. Which is great according to the doctor. He measured the baby and baby is measuring 9.3 mm. Right where he/she is supposed to be. And just one, which is fine with us. One is good!

I was so overwhelmed I didn't say much for the rest of the appointment and Rob is just over the moon excited! His face was just priceless during the ultrasound. Dr. H wants us to come back in three weeks for one more ultrasound with him and then we are released to go to my regular OB/GYN! As much as I like Dr. H and am so thankful we were successful at the RE's office, I'll be glad not to go back.

And now, drumroll please...

Introducing Baby M! Lucy Elizabeth or Patrick Alan's very first picture!! Ok, maybe it is just me, but is this not the most beautiful baby picture you've every seen?

“Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away”

-Unknown

Happy (Belated) Mother's Day!

Ahhh. I'm home. This is how my after work routine goes. Mad rush to get everything done at work. Race out door. Drive home. Grumble at slow drivers. Get in the door. Kick off shoes. Head straight upstairs. Change out of uncomfortable tight work pants (my poor bloated stomach has red lines on it from my work pants, it is terrible) and shirt to...ahhhh...sweatpants and t-shirt. Sweet relief. Yes, I look like a hobo, my most comfortable sweatpants have stains from an unfortunate run-in with a pink highlighter during tax time and my most comfortable long-sleeved t-shirt has some unrecognizable brown splotches on it, but frankly my dears, I don't give a damn!

So, enough of that, hope everyone out there had a a.)happy b.)manageable or c.) not too miserable Mother's day yesterday. I say that because I know how hard Mother's Day is to people dealing with IF, and to those people I'm so sorry and I hope this was your last miserable one, EVER. To me it was the #1 most hated day of the year last year, so it was so strange for it to be so wonderful this year. Really what made it wonderful were two things, Rob and telling my mom, (so there 28 readers who thought I would wimp out, I didn't! HA!).

First of all Rob. Who woke me up saying "Happy Mother's Day Mama!" It is incredible how wonderful those words are and how they still seem so surreal. While I got ready he brought me up my morning tea (decaf, boo) with a pretty little sprig of lilac and my very first Mother's day card! Here is what he wrote to me:

"Happy Mother's Day to the most beautiful mother in the world. I wish you could see yourself through my eyes. Then you would know how truly beautiful you are. I love you so much. Love, Rob...and the peas!"

It was so sweet it brought tears to my eyes. And yes, he said "the peas". Ever since I signed up for the babycenter.com updates he called the baby whatever they compare the size to that week. The first week it was the "poppy seed", last week it was the "sesame seed" and this week he's convinced it is twins so they are "the peas". How freaking cute is he?!

Then we were off to tell my mom. We were going to wait until the end of the day because I knew she would want to spill the beans to my aunts ad uncles are our Mother's Day bar-b-que, but I changed my mind on the ride over to her house. I just couldn't keep it in a second longer. We got to her house and I had brought her gift, a little bib that said "I Love Grandma" on it and Rob baked her a little cake that said "Happy Mother's Day Grandma" (yes, he bakes...and cooks, did I mention he's a trained chef?). Immediately when we got there we said we had a present for her,

Me: "Ok, I hope you like this Mom. You won't be able to use it for a little while but I think it will come in handy."

Mom: "Oh, you didn't have to! I'm sure its lovely"

Me: "Ok then open it."

::Mom rustles around with the paper, unwraps it and looks at it, confused::

Mom: "What is it..huh...um...er..ahhhh. OHMYGOODNESS. WHAT IS THIS? ARE YOU SERIOUS? YOU ARE? ARE YOU? EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE...:: voice hits an unintelligible screaming with excitement pitch::"

Hugs all around. My mom jumped up and down regardless of her bum knee and laughed and cried and laughed some more. She is so incredibly excited. Like out of her mind, crazy-happy excited. She immediately wanted to call all my aunts in England, but I had to put her off for just a few more weeks, but she is so excited! There is no other way to describe it, just plain out of this world excited! She just cannot wait to be called Nanny!


I'm so glad I told her. So, so glad.

"My mom is a never ending song in my heart of comfort, happiness, and being. I may sometimes forget the words but I always remember the tune."

-Graycie Harmon

Gifts...

Hello there! I have some brand spanking new pregnancy symptoms to share. Hold on, do you call them "symptoms" once you are "diagnosed"? Someone answer this question for me. Lets call them gifts shall we? Better than symptoms I think and I am determined that no matter how bad the morning sickness or the tiredness, I will think of these things are a gift. After all, I asked for this!

New "Gifts"

1. Emo Bev. First of all, I'm actually not quite hip or young enough to actually know what emo means, but I think it has something to do with being emotional. My niece talks about how people are emo when they are particularly sensitive, and since that is me to a tee right now, I'm going to go with it. Now we're not just talking a little bit... we're talking all out cobbing, crying jaunts at the silliest things on earth.

Case in point: church on Sunday. At the end of church there is communion, and people are welcome to go up to the from as they please, but there's usually about three songs and then they're done. So Rob and I are standing there and one song goes by, two songs, then we're halfway through the third and he hasn't even made a move to go to the front. So I say to him, "Do you want to go up now?" He replied "Do you?" Wrong answer. All I wanted to hear was "yes" or "no", so of course I threw an absolute FIT in the car because I didn't understand why he would ask me that!!? WHY would I ask him if he wanted to go up if I didn't want to, why could he not just say yes or no, why could he not just make the first move to go up there, why do I have to make EVERY SINGLE FRIGGIN DECISION UNDER THE FREAKING SUN!!!! Then, as I'm driving down the road I totally lose it. I mean tears streaming down my face. OVER THIS! Irrational much? Poor, poor Rob is looking at my like I've grown a third head. He doesn't know what to do with this crazy person, I've always been a little bit crazy (refer to crazy Clomid Bev entries), but this is bordering on insane. I felt completely stupid but I just couldn't stop. Especially when the waterworks started, they just kept going and going. It was a rough day Sunday. I also broke down again because I was so tired I didn't know how I was going to do the laundry and clean the house. So I sat on the couch and sobbed "Thhe...ho-ou-ou-se...issss...so-uh-uh...diiiirtyeeee" ::sniffle sob sniffle sob:: I have turned into a crazy ball of hormonal mess!

2. Falling asleep at work. I find myself so tired that I start thinking, "Hmmm, I bet I could just close my eyes really quickly and no one will notice. Go ahead, just lay your head down right there next to the computer monitor. Just for a minute." So tempting!

3. Hello nipples! Now this part is probably way TMI but I've always had very nice, small, light pink nipples, they're pretty good looking if I do say so myself. Now? Welcome ugly tan colored nipples. And they look bigger...way bigger! Damn it! The boobs are supposed to get bigger, not the nipples! Who wants nipples the size of tea saucers if the actual boobs are only the side of, say, salad plates? Ridiculous! I'm sure this is way more information that some of you want to know, especially those that know me personally (sorry Linds and Meg!) but I have to keep it real, you know?

So that is it for now. My new pregnancy gifts that I am gladly accepting-- tears, tiredness, big brown nipples and all.

"Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. And today? Today is a gift. That's why we call it the present. "

-Babatunde Olatunji

Knocked Up...

So according to my doctor I am definitely knocked up. Ok, so he didn't really say it that way, but I AM! My beta just almost doubled in 48 hours, my number was 315.2. At first I was really concerned that it didn't double, until I was reassured by many that they like to see it double within 48-72 hours so... I'm good to get this pregnancy party started.

I haven't felt much in the way of symptoms. I get crampy here and there, which obviously freaks me out because they remind me so much of AF cramps, but as someone told me, think of it as if Baby M. is saying "Hey, I'm still here, just getting comfortable, stretching out and settling down for the long haul." Another symptom is that I can clean a plate like nobodies business. I've never been one to go to a restaurant and completely clean my plate, and be tempted to lick it clean, but I'm totally that person now. But I'm still keeping it healthy, so basically I'm eating a lot of healthy things not junk food, because I can easily gain 50 lbs. I was the girl who gained the freshman 50 instead of the freshman 15. I went from 100 to 150 from high school to college, I'm sure I could do it again...but I'm going to make a concerted effort not to. Other than that my only side effects from being pregnant are that since I've completely gone cold turkey on caffeine,(I know I don't have to but I'm not taking any risks with Baby M. we've waiting too long her him/her/them), I had a rough couple days of caffeine withdrawal. Horrid headaches and nausea that was so bad I almost thought it was early morning sickness, but it quickly subsided and I feel fine now.

I went to dinner with a friend tonight who does not and will not know that we're pregnant until we're out of the first trimester. Luckily I got to the restaurant before her and was able to order a gin and tonic, otherwise known as a sprite and lime, in order not to raise any suspicions. I'm not a huge drinker, but it would be strange for me not to have a cocktail or a glass of wine when out to dinner with my friends. The waitress was very understanding, when I asked her if I could have a sprite with lime, but if she could possibly refer to it as a gin and tonic when my friend got there, a look of total understanding came across her face. "Ooooh, you're pregnant! Don't worry, people do this all the time. Congratulations!" It was so exciting hearing those words. I almost wanted to look behind me to see who she was talking to, I'm still so not used to this and it still hasn't sunk in all the way. Although when I was drinking my faux G & T it started to feel pretty real!

After dinner friend and I went to my favorite store I cannot afford clothes to, Anthropologie. Guess what I did with every item of clothing I tried on in the dressing room? Stuck my stomach out as far as it would go to see how the top or dress would look when I start to show. And let me tell you, with the lovely current bloat I have going on, it isn't too far of a stretch to look a little pregnant. I didn't end up buying anything, but do have to admit, I looked pretty darn cute as a pregnant person!

My first ultrasound is scheduled for May 19th at 3:15 pm. I don't know how I'm going to wait that long. You'd think that after two years waiting 19 days would be a piece of cake, but unfortunately, even with two years of infertility under my belt, patience is definitely not my greatest virtue. I really do want to sit back and enjoy just being pregnant, and I will, I just want to know that Baby M. is growing and doing everything he or she should. It isn't that far away though. I'm not sure if we'll be able to hear the heartbeat since it will only be just about 7 weeks, but I am hoping and praying by some miracle we get to. And yes, I am totally going to cry like a baby when we hear it.

And just for fun... here is my 4 weeks, 2 days belly pic. And yes, I'm totally trying to suck it in because the bloat is killing me!

"Risk more than others think is safe. Care more than others think is wise. Dream more than others think is practical. Expect more than others think is possible."

-Claude T Bissell