Here we go again...

BREASTFEEDING IS NOT CONTROVERSIAL. For goodness sakes. It is getting downright outrageous out there. 

This article here discusses how, once again, a picture of a breastfeeding mother has sparked public debate. Except this time the picture is of military servicewoman who are breastfeeding...in uniform. GASP. The horror of it. Allegedly it has been compared to urinating or defecating in public in uniform.

I think it is disgusting how the media seems to be portraying breastfeeding as a controversy, even if it is, in fact, a controversial issue, the media is playing a huge role in are really fueling fire lately. And, if it is a fact, that the military prefers women NOT breastfeed in uniform, then I'm disgusted at them as well. Why must women be made to feel that breastfeeding is something to be ashamed of? That there is even a question as to when and where is "appropriate" to feed your child.  I don't think it is ANY different that a woman in uniform sitting and bottle feeding her child. Same thing, different vessel.

I just don't understand it and I'm SO tried of it. What about you?

"Controversy equalizes fools and wise men - and the fools know it."

Oliver Wendall Holmes

Rough Night...

...someone, anyone...please tell me this gets easier? This is worse than when I went back to work when she was 4 months old. I know, I know -- its just an adjustment and a lot of change for a baby but... its hard when she seems to want anyone but me. Not to mention it's also hard when she acts like I'm trying to murder her when I try to feed her. It was a rough night.

On that note, I was never the type that wanted to keep breastfeeding past a year. Hell, I'm shocked I made it a year (believe me, its been a challenge but that is another story for another day). But now its past a year it breaks my heart just a little bit knowing that fairly soon she'll be ready to be done and that there will be one last time to share that bond. I dwell on that one. last. time. I see it coming it makes me tear up a little thinking about it. Of course there is many, many more fun and exciting times that the future holds, but there is no denying that there's something special between mother and child during those moments and to see the end of those times is, well, a little sad.

::sigh::

Someone out there, please tell me that she'll start acting like she needs or wants her mama again soon?

“Growing up is never easy. You hold on to things that were. You wonder what's to come. But that night, I think we knew it was time to let go of what had been, and look ahead to what would be. Other days. New days. Days to come. The thing is, we didn't have to hate each other for getting older. We just had to forgive ourselves... for growing up.”

-The Wonder Years

One of those nights...

You know, those one where you just can't seem to catch a break? That was my night tonight. Or rather, my crappy day today that proceeded to continue on into my night tonight. Lucy got a cold over the weekend, so she's been pretty miserable with a stuffed up nose and you know what that means, no sleep. So no sleep Saturday or Sunday night. Throw in the fact that Rob came down with the same cold, only 100x worse than Lucy's, and ran a raging fever all last night (it was like sleeping next to a space heater) and you've got a very tired and unhappy little family. Not to mention our power went out last night so no alarm clock this morning. That means I'm scrambling this morning, late to work, sick baby, sick husband... things couldn't get worse, right? How about a raging blocked duct. Wonderful. Now I'm at work, barely getting anything when I'm pumping and feel like my left side is going to explode.

I rush home to pick up Lucy at the end of the day and she wants nothing to do with me. Refuses to nurse and reaches out for my mom when I'm holding her. It just about broke my heart (and my boob). My mom points out its because of my voice. I'm not calm enough, I'm not this, I'm not that. It's a constant thing with my mother, I am always doing something wrong. I finally get home at 7:00 pm after having to pry Lucy from my mother. Rob is still in bed (understandably, he was really sick) and what does Lucy do? Reaches for dad. No amount of cuddles will convince her to stay with mom and by this time I honestly think my left breast is going to peace out so I hand her over to Rob. I get in the shower and try to work out the knot, doesn't work. Damn.

After my should I try to get Lucy to nurse again. Fail. She wants dad. Screw you mom.

At 8:00 I get her ready for bed and try again and now that she seems maybe have a tiny interested in eating and guess what, nothing. Absolutely nothing. No milk. Now she's screaming, my milk isn't coming in, and I'm just about to break down and cry like a baby with her. I give up and put her in bed. She falls asleep immediately (I guess she didn't want to eat after all) and here I am. Totally insane blocked duct. No dinner. Mother to a baby who seems to want absolutely nothing to do with her. Husband who cannot for the life of him figure out why his wife is sobbing in the computer room.

Today I realized that this tiny person that my body made, that I carried for 9 months and for whom I have always been the center of the world, isn't always going to need me. I mean I'm sure today is just a fluke, that she's be "mom mom mom"-ing it up, reaching for me, and snuggling my shoulder like usual tomorrow. But this was the first time, the first time I wasn't the most important person in the room. It's funny but for these 9 months Lucy has really only had eyes for mom. It just made me realize, she's not always going to need me, she's not always going to want me around and that it is amazing how one tiny person can just about break you heart without even meaning to.

What in the world do you do when you just have one of those days?

Edit: She just woke up and all she wanted was "Momom"...man, I am so melodramatic! Chalk it up to lack of sleep and the damn blocked duct, which feels so much better now (since she was hungry as well).

“Change is never easy. You fight to hold on. You fight to let go.”
-The Wonder Years

Speaking of Breastfeeding...

Funny story time.

So I pump at work. Pumping isn't the most fun time of my day as it makes me feel like a commercial milk cow attached to a machine but luckily for me my company did set up "New Mom's Rooms" in each of our locations, so I feel like this is more courtesy than most new mom's get at their companies. I've heard horror stories of women pumping in their cars or in bathroom stalls, ew! So I do feel lucky!

That being said I work at a company that is mostly male, especially in the building that I work in. It just so happens that the location of the "New Mom's Room" is right bang slap in the middle of the building's Facilities Department, which houses basically a bunch of engineers who work on all of the tools and on the building in general. So it is all men. Men who were super uncomfortable when we put in the New Mom's Room last year... For example, here's a snippet of a conversation I had last year when setting up the room (before I was even pregnant I got the job of setting it up):

Me: "It's a room for new mothers"

Facilities Man: "For new mothers? For new mothers to do what?"

Me: "Er...pump."

FM: "Pump? I don't get it..."

Me: "Pump. Milk. For Babies."

FM: Turning Bright Red. "Ohhhh... I have to go, er, get something from, er somewhere..."

So I walk through this room a couple times a day, most of the time I go through without interruption...until last week. One of the older men stops me to ask if my boss is in today. I, pump bag slung over my shoulder, People magazine in hand, reply no, but is there anything I can help him with? I should have just said "No" and went on my way, but I didn't. This is how the rest of own conversation went...

Man: "No, no..it's nothing urgent but hey, so...I have this friend..."
Me: "Ok.."
Man: "She's a Director of a Nonprofit."
Me: "Oh, er, that's very nice."
Man: "She used to be a Lactation Nurse. You know? For like 10 years."
Me: Totally confused as to how we got on this subject as we're now talking about lactation, "Oh! Really...that's er, very nice."
Man: "So she the Director of the Milk Bank here in Oregon." Looks at me expectantly...
Me: "Oh! Er, um...That's a very good thing. Very important stuff. Um...er..."
Man: "I just thought you should know."

And he walks off.

The most awkward conversation in my workplace to date. I'm not sure if he was suggesting that I donate... or if he thought I needed to get some additional milk. But this guy was the LAST person who I would have expected to talk to me about lactation. So awkward!

Oh man, too funny!

Note: I would love to donate to the bank but all my milk goes to the Goose!

“Women aren't embarrassed when they buy men's pajamas, but a man buying a nightgown acts as though he were dealing with a dope peddler”

-Jimmy Cannon

ps. The new website is coming soon...and by soon I mean 3-4 weeks. Patience is a virtue, right? Good things come to those who wait, no?

Breastfeeding Attire FIND...

I'm a huge proponent of breastfeeding. You don't breastfeed? Totally fine. You make the decisions that work best for you. I won't judge, besides, it's a very personal decisions and personally, I passionately believe that this is the best food and nutrition I can provide for Lucy, the cheapest food around AND is the sole reason I am 10 lbs smaller than I was pre-pregnancy, which I might add, is just in time for my 10 year high school reunion next week...with absolutely no working out required. It really doesn't get any better than that, does it?

However, there are some hassles that come with breastfeeding. I've shared my oversupply stories here before and more recently have been battling an under-supply. So I've been guzzling Mother's Milk Tea (yuck!) and taking Nursing Blend supplements...which then can lead to a very painful blocked duct, which is another reoccurring problem of mine. So... aside from all of those obstacles to overcome, I really do enjoy breastfeeding and that time I spend with Lucy. However, I do find it extremely challenging to fine cute clothing that work for breastfeeding. By "work" I mean they don't involved me hiking up my top until it is all bunched up under my chin or wrestling a boob out over the top of a shirt, which always seems like a good idea at first until I'm done nursing and there is a huge wet spot on my shirt. Boo! Not to mention I'm REALLY TIRED of button down shirts.

So, to get to the point, I love hooded sweatshirts. They're super comfortable and for someone who has curly hair to like to straighten it and lives in rainy Oregon, they're perfect to salvaging a much-labored over hairstyle. However, you cannot comfortably wear a hooded sweatshirt and nurse a baby without ending up with a spare tire-esque bulk of sweatshirt material under your chin. This was a huge bummer to me until I found this sweatshirt at Target the other day:



So cute! AND it's a cowl neck, (Note: the cowl actually goes down much lower than on the model in the picture, maybe because the one I bought is a larger size), so it is PERFECT for nursing. I wear it with a stretchy Limited tank top underneath, which has super stretchy straps that don't stretch out permanently, and I didn't need to pull the sweatshirt up or anything. I simply pulled the cowl aside and voila, easy nursing with no bunching or stretching OR buttons! Not to mention it is really flattering for the fall with cute jeans and heeled boots. I bought the Java Brown but will most likely be returning for the purple and blue as well. They are a great deal at only $19.99. I bought mine at my local Target but you can buy them online here.

"I base most of my fashion sense on what doesn't itch."

-Gilda Radner