Lucy In a Nutshell...

I took a hiatus from my blog to do something very important and glamorous...like get really, really sick. I don't just mean blow your nose kind of sick, no. I mean, can't get out of bed, throat so sore you can't swallow, face feels like its going to explode with pressure while you, cough until you can't speak kind of sick, just in time for Mother's Day. 

Aside from my horrible sickness I've been enjoying my little family as usual. Lucy is talking up a STORM lately. She is such a smart girl. Sometimes too smart. Recently when she would do something she shouldn't I would say "Lucy, look at me" in an attempt to be stern and explain to her why we don't throw a cup or whack the cat with her book. She would usually laugh at me so I assumed she didn't understand what I was saying. Wrong! We were in her room one day and she was playing around while I put away her clothes and I heard her talking to her stuffed bear. She was sitting the bear on her little table, looking it straight in the face and saying "Yook a Me...YOOK A ME" I almost died laughing. She's smart as a whip, and she's got the attitude to boot. I wonder where she got that...

Lucy at 16 months

She runs instead of walks and doesn't cry usually if she falls. Carries an old, (naked) baby doll and my old stuffed bear (from when I was a baby) around with her everywhere (she rocks them constantly "wockababy, wockababy"). She loves pasta, preferably tiny Trader Joe's cheese ravioli, especially with my homemade tomatoe sauce and meatballs She can feed herself, albiet messily. She likes her gold shoes better then her black ones ("pwit-ahy"). She loves playing in the dirt and getting really "dirtay". She could spend an hour ouside digging in her makeshift sandpit underneath our hammock. She is incredibly smart and already knows the words to her books that I read to her at night before I say them. Her favorate book at the moment is Harry the Dirty Dog. She can count to four. Her favorate number is 9, (she'll yell out "NINE" after eight when you count to ten). She likes to go "wimmin" in the bath. She's started calling me "Mommy" instead of "Mama" and "Daddy" instead of "Dad Dad". She loves to smell anything that grows, something her Daddy taught her from when they walk around our herb garden and pick the herbs and smell them, which means she picks the leaves and flowers off of all my plants and walks around smelling them. She loves cantelope, watermelon, kiwi and apples. She goes to sleep like a dream but 95% of the time wakes up to snuggle in the middle of the night, (feel free to judge me, I don't mind it one bit). She's tall and skinny with a big head, 21% for weight and 85% for height and head (its that big brain in there). She gives a LOOK like you wouldn't believe, somewhere between and eye-roll and a sigh that makes me think that I've got it coming to me when she's a teenager. She got a haircut (well a bang-cut) last week and looks so much like a big girl it makes me want to cry. She's the most amazing thing ever. Ever. I love it. Every minute. 

'In spite of the six thousand manuals on child raising in the bookstores, child raising is still a dark continent and no one really knows anything.  You just need a lot of love and luck - and, of course, courage. "

-Bill Cosby, Fatherhood, 1986

Last Year at This Exact Moment...

We were right about here...still waiting:


...and hours away from this amazing miracle:

Happy Birthday Lucy!!

More to come later today!

"Where did you come from, baby dear?
Out of the Everywhere and into here."
-George MacDonald, At the Back of the North Wind

LUCY HAS ARRIVED!

Sorry for not posting but I've been kinda busy...you know birthing an actual BABY and all! I went into labor on New Years Day (Thursday) in the morning and we finally went to the hospital at 9:00 pm that night. Little Lucy Elizabeth decided not to make her arrival until 4:03 PM on Friday (yes, it took her that long, she took her time), she weighed 7 lbs 3 ounces and was 19 1/4 inches long. I'll post all the details of my birth story tomorrow along with pictures of our perfect, lovely Lucy who is doing so amazing and has completely and utterly stolen our hearts already. Thank you for all the well-wishes! She is so amazing!!!! I just cannot believe she is finally here! I'll update as soon as I can but right now I need to get off of my sore behind for now!

"You’re the lucky one so I’ve been told

Free as the wind blowin down the road

Loved by many, hated by none

I’d say you were lucky cause I know what you’ve done

Not a care in the world not a worry in sight

Everything’s going to be all right

Cause you’re the lucky one"

-Allison Krauss

The Story...

Hello! So I know my blog was short yesterday and didn't go into all the details, but I was trying to let it all sink it...and it still hasn't. I feel like I'm in some kind of crazy, fabulous dream and that I'm going to wake up any moment!

First of all I have to thank all of you readers. I was absolutely amazed with the amount of support that I received! I knew people were out there reading, I thought 15, 20, maybe even 30 but this outpouring of encouragement and congratulations was so amazing. I honestly just could not believe it every time I went. You know that Elton John song from the Lion King? Can You Feel The Love Tonight,( which by the way always struck was as wildly inappropriate lyrics for a child's movie, but I digress), I CAN feel the love tonight! Thank you so much everyone!!!

So let's go back to Saturday night. Rob and I had done some shopping and happened to drive by a local dollar tree.

Me: "Do you think I should test tomorrow morning, before my Beta on Monday?"

Rob: "Sure, why not?"

Me: "Well I never test...it's like, my thing."

Rob: "That's dumb. Let's go get a test, where do we get one?"

Me: "Really? I don't know... I don't think I can. If I don't I'll have one more day of being possibly pregnant bliss."

Rob: "So you don't want to?"

Me: "No...er..yes...durr. I don't know. You decide."

Rob: "Ok yes, YES. We're going to get one."

So we ended up at the Dollar Tree, which by the way THRILLED Rob that you can get pregnancy tests for a dollar, so we bought two. I don't know why two, but that is what he grabbed. We went home and I put them upstairs thinking in the bathroom thinking, maybe I won't test. Maybe he'd forget and I wouldn't have to see a big fat negative.

Sunday morning. I work up at 7:00 having to pee like a racehorse and for some reason I suddenly had the urge to test. I was so sure they would be negative but hey, they're there and then I won't have to stress about it all day until Monday. So I open up the normal sized box and pull out what appears to be the smallest pregnancy test ever made. Is this a joke? This looks like it is made for Teen Pregnancy Barbie. The spot you have to pee on is insanely small, and I'm not kidding, it is the size of a grain of rice. At this point I'm thinking, what kind of aim do you need for these things? Then I found the eye dropper. WTH am I supposed to do with THIS? So since now at this point I'm half asleep, hopping from one foot to the other, desperately needing to pee, with a midget pregnancy test in one hand and a eye dropper in the other, I figure it might be a good time to read the directions. I read them...CRAP! I need a cup to pee in, then I use the eye dropper to squeeze out some pee and drop precisely four drops into the grain-of-rice-sized hole in the test. Ok then... Hmmm. Do I run downstairs and get a cup that will then forever be the "cup that held my pee and can no longer be drank out of" or do I pull a McGyver and find something to pee in here in the bathroom? I go for choice #2. So do you all remember the Prometrium into the toilet story on Saturday? Well, I got my refill but happened to still have the other bottle of ruined Prometrium in the bathroom. Hmm, that is cup shaped, no? So I dump out the meds and rinse out the prescription bottle. Yes, this is what it has come to. I peed in the rinsed out prescription bottle, and let me tell you...after opening the box, puzzling over tiniest test EVER, reading the directions and finding my makeshift cup this was sweet relief to finally get to pee!

I've figured at this point that if dollar tree is going to sell you a test for $1 they're going to make you work for this. You want to pay a dollar cheapskate? Well you're going to have to jump through some hoops to get this done, lady. So I take the eye dropper and drop four drops into the instructed hole in the test. Then I set it on the counter and stare. I know it is going to be negative, I just know it. In ten seconds up pops up the first line. ARGH. See this is why I don't test. I hold back tears and decide that, well, at least now I know. I can move on and out of limbo. I start to brush my teeth, blinking back tears, and look down again. Wait. WAIT. Hold ON. What is that??? Toothbrush falls to the sink and I grab the test. OH.MY.GOODNESS. Something I have never seen before, the fabled second line. It is light but it is definitely there. I cannot breathe, I really can't. I cannot believe this. I had to sit down for a minute, because I felt like I was going to pass out right there on the floor of our bathroom, tiny test in hand.

A minute later, hands shaking, I walk out of the bathroom. Remember that at this point it is about 7:15 am on a Sunday morning.

Me: "Rob."

Rob: "Uunnnrrmmmg."

Me: "ROB. WAKE UP!"

Rob (all bleary eyed and half asleep): "Hmmm..What's up babe?"

Me: "I think you need to wake up now."

Rob (suddenly sits up, awake now): "WHAT? Did you test? What? WHAT?It's positive isn't it?"

Me: "I did. I think it is positive. You look at it, you tell me. I can't believe it...::begin senseless blubbering and babbling::"

I bring it to him and we look. It is, in fact, positive. We are pregnant. We honestly sit there and stare at it, in disbelief. I don't think either of us actually thought this was going to work. Suddenly both of us break into huge smiles, I tear up, and he pets my stomach, "We did it. We did it! Oh my God we did it!" We snuggled down in bed and talked about it until we had to get ready for church at 9:00.

Rob rushes downstairs to make me breakfast while I get ready. I, being the skeptic that I am, decided that what if this test WAS wrong? What if I got one of those rare faulty positives? So I force myself to pee again in the prescription cup and take the second test. Up pop both lines this time, clear as day. I run downstairs;

Me: "Look, Look!!! I AM pregnant!"

Rob: "Did you take the other one? ::laughing at me::"

Me: "Yes, I had to know"

We go to church and I almost start crying during some of the songs because I truly believe that this is our miracle and I am so thankful for this chance. This thing that we have wanted for so long that is actually happening now. I still cannot wrap my mind around this.

We spend the rest of the day talking about the baby. We are incredulous. Shocked. Amazed. Stunned. Over the freaking moon.

Monday morning I go in for my beta, praying for a high number, something that will tell me this is actually happening, that this is real. The nurse calls back at 11:00 in the afternoon to tell me that my beta was great, 161.5. That congratulations, I'm pregnant. It's amazing how it felt even more real when an actual medical professional said it to me. You never know about that dollar tree, no one should have to work that hard to put pee on a stick!

That is my story. There are some things different than when I originally dreamed of a BFP. I imagined telling Rob in some fabulously creative way, something to really remember, instead in my shock and joy I yelling at him to wake up at 7:15 in the morning. Also, I always thought that when you get your BFP then everything is peachy. You're pregnant and that is the end of it. At least that is what I thought in the beginning. I know better than that now. For me, I get my BFP, I get my Beta #1, #2 and #3, I get several ultrasounds hoping and praying for a heartbeat, for continued growth, for no problems. It's almost like the first trimester is a test I need to pass. I've got weeks ahead of me where I am just hoping and praying 24 hours a day that I pass this initial test.

I wanted to share this on Sunday night, but there was people who check my blog that I didn't want to find out via blog so I kept it on the down low. You don't even realize how hard that "fake" blog entry was on Sunday night. I so wanted to shout it from the damn rooftops!

Thank you again from the bottom of my heart for the support you've all shown me. Don't worry, I'm going to keep the blog going throughout this crazy journey. I hope you'll all come along for the ride or at least come and visit once in awhile.

“The child must know that he is a miracle, that since the beginning of the world there hasn't been, and until the end of the world there will not be, another child like him.”

-Pablo Casals

PRICELESS...

20 boxes of green tea ...........................$
3 bottles of Robitussin..........................$
1 Clear Blue Easy Fertility Monitor............$$$
5 boxes of OPKs.....................................$$
3 Pregnancy Tests....................................$
5 boxes of Preseed.................................$$
1 Semen Analysis......................................$$$
10 Blood Tests........................................$$
1 Hystosalpinogram..................................$$$$
2 Ultrasounds.........................................$$$$
3 visits to the RE....................................$$$$
4 Rounds of Clomid................................$$
1 bottle of Prometrium...............................$
1 Semen Wash........................................ $$
1 IUI.........................................................$$$
_____________________________________

Finding out you are finally pregnant after exactly two years of trying...........

PRICELESS.


I.AM.PREGNANT!!!!!!!

"Just the other night the baby was crying,

so I got out of bed rocked her awhile and I held her tight,

and I told her it would be all right.

My mind went back to a few years ago,

we tried so long, we almost gave up hope

and I remember you coming in and telling me the news.

Oh man we were living, going crazy in the kitchen.

We danced and screamed and held each other tight.

We laughed until we cried."

-Jason Aldean "Laughed Until We Cried"