Here we go again...

BREASTFEEDING IS NOT CONTROVERSIAL. For goodness sakes. It is getting downright outrageous out there. 

This article here discusses how, once again, a picture of a breastfeeding mother has sparked public debate. Except this time the picture is of military servicewoman who are breastfeeding...in uniform. GASP. The horror of it. Allegedly it has been compared to urinating or defecating in public in uniform.

I think it is disgusting how the media seems to be portraying breastfeeding as a controversy, even if it is, in fact, a controversial issue, the media is playing a huge role in are really fueling fire lately. And, if it is a fact, that the military prefers women NOT breastfeed in uniform, then I'm disgusted at them as well. Why must women be made to feel that breastfeeding is something to be ashamed of? That there is even a question as to when and where is "appropriate" to feed your child.  I don't think it is ANY different that a woman in uniform sitting and bottle feeding her child. Same thing, different vessel.

I just don't understand it and I'm SO tried of it. What about you?

"Controversy equalizes fools and wise men - and the fools know it."

Oliver Wendall Holmes

Sigh...

Alright, I did it. Dirty damn deleted. I still don't believe in CIO at all, but I see where people are coming from being all up in arms about the post. I guess I didn't read into the link as well as I should, I reread it and definitely understand.

I do NOT believe in CIO for my own children, and when I mean CIO I mean when it involves just letting a baby cry and cry and cry. Just plain letting them cry themselves into exhaustion. That is something I would never ever do for Lucy...only because I would feel cruel. Because I want sleeping to be something she equates with warmth, relaxation and security, not crying until she passes out.

You do whatever works for you, I'll do what works for me. I dislike dirty deleting but I never put it out there to be judgmental or self righteous and honestly just feel like getting rid of everything from today. I want this blog to be about Lucy and my own adventures in parenting, not a sounding board for what kind of parenting is the best, or worst. I've taken a step back and reevaluated what I want to write about--and that is Lucy, my family, how much fun we're having and sharing lots of pictures. I don't want it to be about soapboxes and how you should or shouldn't parent because frankly, that is your business.

Sorry for those of you who spent time responding, I definitely took everything to heart and I appreciate your input. I'm sure I'll get some not-so-nice comments for deleting too but that's cool. You say what you feel you need to. I myself am moving on from it.

PS. I'm putting the Lucy pictures post from today above this one because its THAT is what I want my blog to be about.

The Big Debate...

Working Mom vs/ Stay at Home Mom. Hot topic, right? At least it seems to be in the comments of my last post. I've been mulling over whether or not I should devote an entire blog entry to this subject and finally decided, after I had to keep responding in the comments that, yes, this deserves its own entry.

There are two very definite ends of the spectrum here and then a lot of gray area in between (Please Note before you go all crazy on me these are NOT directed to anyone in the comments of my last post).

Position #1: You Should Stay At Home With Your Children You Selfish B.

Some people believe that women should only have children if they are going to not work and devote 24 hours per day to raising their children. I mean, why else would you have children if you are basically going to be ignoring them and pursuing your own selfish career/life? Once you have children you should have absolutely nothing that is for yourself, whether it be a career, a pair of new designer jeans or a dinner out once or twice a month with your husband. If you are a person who cannot AFFORD to stay home, then you should have budgeted or waited to have children. It would take 10 years for you to be able to afford to stay home? Well, lots of people are having babies in their 40s nowadays...why can't you? No matter what the financial situation, if you WANT it enough, you can make it happen by simply moving from your home to an apartment, cutting out any and all expenditures (date night? what is date night?) and so on and so forth.

Let's take a trip waaaay down to the other end of the spectrum.

Position #2: Stay At Home Moms are Lazy and Eat Bon Bons All Day Long

People on the other side of the debate often think that SAHMs are just plain lazy and a throwback to our grandmother's day of the women raising the children, cleaning house and having dinner on the table when the husband gets home. Your days are spent lunching with other SAHMs, doing some light dusting and playing patty cake with their little ones. When the little ones nap, you probably watch Days of Our Lives while eating delicious bon bons. Their lives are in no way challenging or difficult, as they have so much spare time on their hands.

~~~

Neither of these ways of thinking are REMOTELY true and if you find yourself even marginally buying into either, well, you should be ashamed of yourself because both of those are the most ridiculous things I have ever written. Unfortunately, I know there are people out there that think that some or all of those little gems are true. They're what I like to call delusional or just plain judgemental (again, this is NOT directed to anyone who posted in the comments).

First of all, for the Working Moms out there. You go girls. You've got so many balls in the air it is ridiculous, yet you keep on juggling and making it work for your family. Some of you NEED to work. You need it to make ends meet. No amount of wanting or cost cutting will make it work. You just need that extra paycheck to live in the way that works for your family. Some of you WANT to work. You need the adult conversation, ::gasp::, and you enjoy talking to people who can actually piece together full sentences and people who don't usually drool on you. You may love your job. You may have worked long and hard to get to this place in your professional career and it probably is amazingly good for you both as a women and as a mother to be this professional person on top of being a mother, even though it is difficult. Just because you have children doesn't mean that is the only thing that defines you as a person. You are a better mother because that is not the only thing you are. Both of these types of women do NOT love their children any less than one who stays at home with them.

For you Stay At Home Moms out there. Damn girls, it is NOT easy. Before my maternity leave I thought of all these amazingly productive things that I would be doing as I would have ALL of this spare time. Paint the kitchen cabinets, learn how to use my sewing machine that I got for my birthday back in November, take up knitting again and catch up on my reading... Do you know how many of those thing that I did? None. Not one. Staying at home is just as exhausting as being at work. Being a mom is a full time job, for REAL. Incredibly enough these little people need attention 24 hours a day, yes really. No lunching with the ladies when you have a screaming toddler on your hands. I've tried cleaning the house on my days off...ahahaha, right. There is always cleaning to do, shopping to do, cooking to do, laundry to do, activities and doctors appointments to go to, and I'm assuming if you stay at home you are doing the all of it and then some. And you do NOT get paid in money but in the fact that you get to see every little detail of your child growing up. It's amazing. I'm fairly certain soap operas and bon bons do not factor into the equation but lucky for you little hugs, little snuggles and that quality time with your child(ren) most certainly do.

Being a working mom is not for everyone. Being a stay at home mom is not for everyone. You do what works for you and your family. No one else can or should judge your decision on what you need to do to make your life with your family work.

For myself. I'm going to lay it all out there. I wish I could stay home with Lucy, I truly do, HOWEVER... we own our (modest) home, we do not want to sell it to move into a duplex, condo or an apartment. We love our house and have put much time and effort into making it a home. We look forward to the summers Lucy will spend exploring our large yard and helping us plant our vegetable beds. Hopefully she will lean how to ride a bike in the safety of our quiet cul-de-sac and go trick-or-treating down our street. Also, the former realtor in my wants to scream when people say "you could sell your house and move into something less expensive so you could stay home". Have you looked at the downward spiral of home prices lately? With the depreciation of the housing market, closing costs and realtor fees we simply would not be any better off in somewhere smaller. As far as spending that is not necessities, we do go dinner out once in awhile, although when we do it is our "date night" which is something we need to reconnect as a couple. We have no credit card debt and a very small school loan. We own our cars free and clear. I cut coupons and shop at the inexpensive supermarket, instead of Whole Foods where I wish I could shop. I buy clothes at Marshalls and TJ Maxx, if at all. There are things we spend money on, but we save and plan way in advance for those and it is simply a part of our life that we enjoy, like traveling (with Lucy). That is something we are planning on doing as a family and are not willing to give up. We want her to explore and appreciate the world around her, its as simple as that.

My job affords me excellent pay, medical benefits, life insurance 401K and stock/bonuses that make us be able to have a decent savings account in case of emergency, a college account for Lucy, as well funds for our own retirement. I believe both of the latter are gifts that keep on giving for your children, the fact that they don't have to pay 100% for college themselves (by the time she goes college will approximately cost $300,000) and she won't have to worry own mom).

Quitting my job is not an option right now. End of story. In the end, I'm just not willing to quit and live paycheck to paycheck and give up the safety net that my job provides us with. Does that make me a bad mother, no. It makes me a smart mother. Right now if my husband lost his job we would be fine. He was out of work for the three months that I was on maternity leave, if I didn't have my job this would have been a complete disaster. Because I did have my job and had saved a hefty amount for my leave it was a blessing. Both Rob and myself got to spend that time with each other and with Lucy and it was incredible. It was the best.time.ever. So... my job, although it wears me out, is a blessing. We waited long enough for Lucy to come, so suggesting that we should have waited longer is ridiculous. I love my life the way it is, and although someday I do hope to stay home with her or work for myself, I'm happy where we are now, exhaustion and all.

Phew. That was a lot, but I really felt the need to get it all out there. I would love to stay at home with Lucy, and for the people that it does work for I envy you. In the end, as long as you love your children fiercely, and let them know this every single day, you are a good mother.

"The world is full of women blindsided by the unceasing demands of motherhood, still flabbergasted by how a job can be terrific and torturous."

-Anna Quindlen

"She never quite leaves her children at home, even when she doesn't take them along." -Margaret Culkin Banning

"The phrase "working mother" is redundant."

-Jane Sellman

Ahhhhh...

So here I am, two days late on my promised blogging. Why? Because my weekly migraine hit, at about 2:00 on Tuesday. It is so strange, it is always comes on while I'm at work and always at around 2:00. It held on strong until last night. It just kills me. It makes it impossible for me to concentrate at work, cranky when I get home, and awake all night long.

I felt so bad because it was still going strong for Rob's birthday yesterday, so bad that I felt sick and shaky. We had plans to go to dinner and I was absolutely miserable during dinner. I tried so hard, but could barely keep my eyes open from my headache, I had to squint even until the dim restaurant lights and my hands kept shaking. Amazingly it seemed to stop at about 10:00 last night but left me cranky and exhausted after almost 36 hours of migraine. So I feel terrible about his birthday, I really do and the only thing I got really cranky to him about was that we argued about cutting the cord on the way home from the restaurant. Apparently he's "not sure" if he wants to do it, and me in my weak, shaky and cranky state just got really snippy with him.

Me: "Why don't you want to?"

Rob: "I just don't know if I want to"

Me: "Well, when do you think you might decide this?"

Rob: "I dunno. Couldn't you maybe do it?"

Me: "Are you SERIOUS? I'm going to be squeezing something the size of a watermelon out of something the size of a lemon and probably will be a.) a little tired b.) a little in pain and c.) in the middle of getting my vagina reconstructed, so I think I don't think I'll be able to."

Yes, I was a bitch. I apologized later, as did he. He really didn't expect me to do it, but I think he is a little nervous at the thought at doing it himself so I'm just going to let that go. He doesn't have to and who knows what will happen on that day. As long as he's there with me, that is all that matters. So anyways, other than my mini-bitchy time, he did have a good birthday in that he got some really nice olive oil from Baby M (he is a trained chef so that sort of thing is exciting on a birthday) and two pairs of swimming shorts from me (one for wrestling, one for swimming this summer). Dinner was delicious as well, so all in all it was a good day for him.

Ok, on to the good stuff. The NT scan on Tuesday morning went really well. We were running totally late, I cannot believe I got from Hillsboro to Portland in 15 minutes at 8:00 in the morning. Unheard of! I wasn't even speeding! It was actually a really fun ultrasound, my first one that wasn't with my friend "the wand". When we got into the room and the nurse put the jelly on me stomach Rob got all excited and said, "this is a belly one? Oh good!" I had to laugh at him because the nurse looked at him really funny. We saw Baby M on the television above the bed for probably a good 30 minutes. No nub sighting, even though Rob kept exclaiming "Look at how much HE'S moving." "Look at HIS head, it is huge!" and so on. The doctor came in and said that everything on the ultrasound end looked totally normal. I just now have to wait for the blood test results. Speaking of the blood test the nurse dug around in my veins for a good FIVE MINUTES until she could get my vein, OUCH!

So today I am OFF WORK. It is my first day off since we found out we were pregnant. Let me tell you it feels so incredible. My job has been really stressful lately, and quite frankly I'm been pretty miserable. I feel like I have no time to think about my pregnancy, no time to plan things, no time to do anything. I'm always cranky and stressed and the job is just getting to me lately (sorry Jen and Marlo if you're reading this, I still love you girls). Here I sit today, blogging from my bed in pajamas at 9:00 am. I love it. I love that I have nothing to worry about today. It feels amazing. I wish I could leave work at work, but it just hasn't happened lately. I've even started logging on to work when I get home just to get things done.

To tell the truth, I really miss the freedom of real estate. I could get up leisurely most days, my house was always clean, I was outside all the time running around from house to office, I had the freedom of taking a day when I needed it and sleeping in if I worked late the night before. I miss it. I really do. I am so thankful for this job since if I was still in real estate I would be making no money whatsoever, and for the benefits it provides, but it has been tough lately and I'm not quite sure how to fix that. It seems like no matter how overloaded employees are at this company, there's always room for more, more projects, more goals, more, more, more. No one ever says no either, it is just the company culture.

I'm having a hard time with it right now. I have to stay at this job, but I can't help but thing how differently I'd be feeling during my pregnancy if I was still working for myself. Although then I have to think, would I even be pregnant? Probably not! I supposed I'd rather be working here and pregnant than still be infertile so that positive outweighs the negatives right now. ::sigh:: I guess I just had to get that off my chest.

I haven't taken my 14 week picture yet, I'm going to have Rob start taking them for me tonight, I think it is time to be rid of the awkward angles of my self-portraits! So I'll be posting that latest picture tonight along with Baby M's latest photo shoot.

Now, I'm off to have some tea outside on the patio. Then I'm going to do some leisurely shopping at Nordstrom Rack, Barnes and Noble and Gap Maternity. After that I'm going to come home and take a nap. Seriously, does that not sound like the best plan for a day EVER? Don't be jealous!

“The best cure for an off day is a day off”

-Frank Tyger

Gifts...

Hello there! I have some brand spanking new pregnancy symptoms to share. Hold on, do you call them "symptoms" once you are "diagnosed"? Someone answer this question for me. Lets call them gifts shall we? Better than symptoms I think and I am determined that no matter how bad the morning sickness or the tiredness, I will think of these things are a gift. After all, I asked for this!

New "Gifts"

1. Emo Bev. First of all, I'm actually not quite hip or young enough to actually know what emo means, but I think it has something to do with being emotional. My niece talks about how people are emo when they are particularly sensitive, and since that is me to a tee right now, I'm going to go with it. Now we're not just talking a little bit... we're talking all out cobbing, crying jaunts at the silliest things on earth.

Case in point: church on Sunday. At the end of church there is communion, and people are welcome to go up to the from as they please, but there's usually about three songs and then they're done. So Rob and I are standing there and one song goes by, two songs, then we're halfway through the third and he hasn't even made a move to go to the front. So I say to him, "Do you want to go up now?" He replied "Do you?" Wrong answer. All I wanted to hear was "yes" or "no", so of course I threw an absolute FIT in the car because I didn't understand why he would ask me that!!? WHY would I ask him if he wanted to go up if I didn't want to, why could he not just say yes or no, why could he not just make the first move to go up there, why do I have to make EVERY SINGLE FRIGGIN DECISION UNDER THE FREAKING SUN!!!! Then, as I'm driving down the road I totally lose it. I mean tears streaming down my face. OVER THIS! Irrational much? Poor, poor Rob is looking at my like I've grown a third head. He doesn't know what to do with this crazy person, I've always been a little bit crazy (refer to crazy Clomid Bev entries), but this is bordering on insane. I felt completely stupid but I just couldn't stop. Especially when the waterworks started, they just kept going and going. It was a rough day Sunday. I also broke down again because I was so tired I didn't know how I was going to do the laundry and clean the house. So I sat on the couch and sobbed "Thhe...ho-ou-ou-se...issss...so-uh-uh...diiiirtyeeee" ::sniffle sob sniffle sob:: I have turned into a crazy ball of hormonal mess!

2. Falling asleep at work. I find myself so tired that I start thinking, "Hmmm, I bet I could just close my eyes really quickly and no one will notice. Go ahead, just lay your head down right there next to the computer monitor. Just for a minute." So tempting!

3. Hello nipples! Now this part is probably way TMI but I've always had very nice, small, light pink nipples, they're pretty good looking if I do say so myself. Now? Welcome ugly tan colored nipples. And they look bigger...way bigger! Damn it! The boobs are supposed to get bigger, not the nipples! Who wants nipples the size of tea saucers if the actual boobs are only the side of, say, salad plates? Ridiculous! I'm sure this is way more information that some of you want to know, especially those that know me personally (sorry Linds and Meg!) but I have to keep it real, you know?

So that is it for now. My new pregnancy gifts that I am gladly accepting-- tears, tiredness, big brown nipples and all.

"Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. And today? Today is a gift. That's why we call it the present. "

-Babatunde Olatunji