Hello! So I know my blog was short yesterday and didn't go into all the details, but I was trying to let it all sink it...and it still hasn't. I feel like I'm in some kind of crazy, fabulous dream and that I'm going to wake up any moment!
First of all I have to thank all of you readers. I was absolutely amazed with the amount of support that I received! I knew people were out there reading, I thought 15, 20, maybe even 30 but this outpouring of encouragement and congratulations was so amazing. I honestly just could not believe it every time I went. You know that Elton John song from the Lion King? Can You Feel The Love Tonight,( which by the way always struck was as wildly inappropriate lyrics for a child's movie, but I digress), I CAN feel the love tonight! Thank you so much everyone!!!
So let's go back to Saturday night. Rob and I had done some shopping and happened to drive by a local dollar tree.
Me: "Do you think I should test tomorrow morning, before my Beta on Monday?"
Rob: "Sure, why not?"
Me: "Well I never test...it's like, my thing."
Rob: "That's dumb. Let's go get a test, where do we get one?"
Me: "Really? I don't know... I don't think I can. If I don't I'll have one more day of being possibly pregnant bliss."
Rob: "So you don't want to?"
Me: "No...er..yes...durr. I don't know. You decide."
Rob: "Ok yes, YES. We're going to get one."
So we ended up at the Dollar Tree, which by the way THRILLED Rob that you can get pregnancy tests for a dollar, so we bought two. I don't know why two, but that is what he grabbed. We went home and I put them upstairs thinking in the bathroom thinking, maybe I won't test. Maybe he'd forget and I wouldn't have to see a big fat negative.
Sunday morning. I work up at 7:00 having to pee like a racehorse and for some reason I suddenly had the urge to test. I was so sure they would be negative but hey, they're there and then I won't have to stress about it all day until Monday. So I open up the normal sized box and pull out what appears to be the smallest pregnancy test ever made. Is this a joke? This looks like it is made for Teen Pregnancy Barbie. The spot you have to pee on is insanely small, and I'm not kidding, it is the size of a grain of rice. At this point I'm thinking, what kind of aim do you need for these things? Then I found the eye dropper. WTH am I supposed to do with THIS? So since now at this point I'm half asleep, hopping from one foot to the other, desperately needing to pee, with a midget pregnancy test in one hand and a eye dropper in the other, I figure it might be a good time to read the directions. I read them...CRAP! I need a cup to pee in, then I use the eye dropper to squeeze out some pee and drop precisely four drops into the grain-of-rice-sized hole in the test. Ok then... Hmmm. Do I run downstairs and get a cup that will then forever be the "cup that held my pee and can no longer be drank out of" or do I pull a McGyver and find something to pee in here in the bathroom? I go for choice #2. So do you all remember the Prometrium into the toilet story on Saturday? Well, I got my refill but happened to still have the other bottle of ruined Prometrium in the bathroom. Hmm, that is cup shaped, no? So I dump out the meds and rinse out the prescription bottle. Yes, this is what it has come to. I peed in the rinsed out prescription bottle, and let me tell you...after opening the box, puzzling over tiniest test EVER, reading the directions and finding my makeshift cup this was sweet relief to finally get to pee!
I've figured at this point that if dollar tree is going to sell you a test for $1 they're going to make you work for this. You want to pay a dollar cheapskate? Well you're going to have to jump through some hoops to get this done, lady. So I take the eye dropper and drop four drops into the instructed hole in the test. Then I set it on the counter and stare. I know it is going to be negative, I just know it. In ten seconds up pops up the first line. ARGH. See this is why I don't test. I hold back tears and decide that, well, at least now I know. I can move on and out of limbo. I start to brush my teeth, blinking back tears, and look down again. Wait. WAIT. Hold ON. What is that??? Toothbrush falls to the sink and I grab the test. OH.MY.GOODNESS. Something I have never seen before, the fabled second line. It is light but it is definitely there. I cannot breathe, I really can't. I cannot believe this. I had to sit down for a minute, because I felt like I was going to pass out right there on the floor of our bathroom, tiny test in hand.
A minute later, hands shaking, I walk out of the bathroom. Remember that at this point it is about 7:15 am on a Sunday morning.
Me: "ROB. WAKE UP!"
Rob (all bleary eyed and half asleep): "Hmmm..What's up babe?"
Me: "I think you need to wake up now."
Rob (suddenly sits up, awake now): "WHAT? Did you test? What? WHAT?It's positive isn't it?"
Me: "I did. I think it is positive. You look at it, you tell me. I can't believe it...::begin senseless blubbering and babbling::"
I bring it to him and we look. It is, in fact, positive. We are pregnant. We honestly sit there and stare at it, in disbelief. I don't think either of us actually thought this was going to work. Suddenly both of us break into huge smiles, I tear up, and he pets my stomach, "We did it. We did it! Oh my God we did it!" We snuggled down in bed and talked about it until we had to get ready for church at 9:00.
Rob rushes downstairs to make me breakfast while I get ready. I, being the skeptic that I am, decided that what if this test WAS wrong? What if I got one of those rare faulty positives? So I force myself to pee again in the prescription cup and take the second test. Up pop both lines this time, clear as day. I run downstairs;
Me: "Look, Look!!! I AM pregnant!"
Rob: "Did you take the other one? ::laughing at me::"
Me: "Yes, I had to know"
We go to church and I almost start crying during some of the songs because I truly believe that this is our miracle and I am so thankful for this chance. This thing that we have wanted for so long that is actually happening now. I still cannot wrap my mind around this.
We spend the rest of the day talking about the baby. We are incredulous. Shocked. Amazed. Stunned. Over the freaking moon.
Monday morning I go in for my beta, praying for a high number, something that will tell me this is actually happening, that this is real. The nurse calls back at 11:00 in the afternoon to tell me that my beta was great, 161.5. That congratulations, I'm pregnant. It's amazing how it felt even more real when an actual medical professional said it to me. You never know about that dollar tree, no one should have to work that hard to put pee on a stick!
That is my story. There are some things different than when I originally dreamed of a BFP. I imagined telling Rob in some fabulously creative way, something to really remember, instead in my shock and joy I yelling at him to wake up at 7:15 in the morning. Also, I always thought that when you get your BFP then everything is peachy. You're pregnant and that is the end of it. At least that is what I thought in the beginning. I know better than that now. For me, I get my BFP, I get my Beta #1, #2 and #3, I get several ultrasounds hoping and praying for a heartbeat, for continued growth, for no problems. It's almost like the first trimester is a test I need to pass. I've got weeks ahead of me where I am just hoping and praying 24 hours a day that I pass this initial test.
I wanted to share this on Sunday night, but there was people who check my blog that I didn't want to find out via blog so I kept it on the down low. You don't even realize how hard that "fake" blog entry was on Sunday night. I so wanted to shout it from the damn rooftops!
Thank you again from the bottom of my heart for the support you've all shown me. Don't worry, I'm going to keep the blog going throughout this crazy journey. I hope you'll all come along for the ride or at least come and visit once in awhile.
“The child must know that he is a miracle, that since the beginning of the world there hasn't been, and until the end of the world there will not be, another child like him.”