Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Father's Day...

For about the last seven years Father's Day has been a rough, and although this one had the fun celebration of Rob's quasi- First Father's Day, it still wasn't easy. Ever since my dad has been gone I've dreaded the day. I think about him every day but on Father's Day you really notice the absence of a father, especially one like mine. I really can't put into words what an amazing dad he was, and unfortunately, I really don't think I ever appreciated him enough while he was here.

I know that he would be over the moon thrilled about this baby. I just know how incredibly, amazingly happy he would be about it. But what makes this particular part of my pregnancy so bittersweet, just like my college graduation and my wedding, I just wish he was here to share it with me and with my mom.

I never had a grandfathers, both passed away well before I was born, and although Baby M will have Rob's dad, and no offense to him, he won't hold a candle to the grandfather my dad would have been. Of course I'll tell stories, but it hurts that Baby M will never really know him, not well enough to realize how amazing he was. I miss him so much and I wish he was here, in person, to share this time.




"A man tells his stories so many times that he becomes the stories. They live on after him, and in that way he becomes immortal. "
-Big Fish

14 comments:

ck2m said...

That brought tears to my eyes. I think your dad is very proud of you and excited for you and Rob.

Carrie W. said...

Oh Bev, I thought about you on Father's Day. I always do even though I don't tell you that. Your dad would have been proud of the husband you chose because Rob is going to be an amazing father. Love ya!!

Wendy said...

I could have written this myself. Its good to know how common it is to feel that way.

s.e. said...

The first post I think I read of yours was about your father. It has stuck with me for a few months now. Your love for him is so evident in your writing. He sounds like he was an amazing man and an amazing father.

Your baby will know it's grandfather. You are already doing a great job keeping his story alive. And maybe, just maybe your child will have an amazing guardian angel too.

Anneliese Kelly said...

That's so sad. My best friend lost her mom a year or so ago, and while she's not planning any children yet, or even married, I know she already feels the pain of hr mom's absence when she looks forward to those events.

But while your baby will miss having a wonderful grandfather, it sound like he or she will have a wonderful mother and father.

~Jess said...

It is never easy to lose someone who means so much to us. Both of my mom's parents died 8 years ago, and it still hurts. I hate the fact that my husband only met them a couple of times, and that my children will never now my Oma and Opa. I can only imagine the pain of losing such a wonderful father as yours. *hugs*

jlcumber said...

what a wonderful tear jerking post. xoxo

Jenn

becoming-mom said...

Aw, I'm so sorry about your dad. I can't even imagine if my dad were gone, he's such a big part of our lives.

My husband's mother died when he was 18 and I know it was hard for him and his whole family at our wedding and I always wish I could have just met her once.

Anonymous said...

This post really hit home for me. My father died in an accident about 4.5 years ago, and it is the hardest thing I have ever been through. He loved kids, and kids LOVED him, they were just drawn to him, and he was everybody's favorite uncle. He would have been an INCREDIBLE grandfather, and it upsets me so much that I feel like my baby got ROBBED of having him in her life. My husband's father lives on the other side of the country, and I honestly don't know how much she will get to see him. My father's father died very young, and I never knew him. He always just seemed like some sort of unknown entity, not a "real" person to me, and it breaks my heart that my daughter will feel the same way about my father. It sucks, and you are not alone in feeling the way you do :(

S said...

What a wonderful post to your Dad. I can tell you really miss him! Hugs!

Emily said...

Oh Bev - I'm so sorry that this is such a rough day. Just remember to celebrate his life as much as possible. Your little one will LOVE hearing the amazing stories.

P.S.... you've been tagged! Go read my post "back"
~Emily

Mr and Mrs M said...

Here I am sitting reading your blog with tears running down my face. Girl you sure know how to make someone cry!
I'm sure your dad is watching over you everyday.

Mary said...

I just came across your blog and wanted to share your Father's Day sentiments. This year was the first for my family since losing my dad in August. I am also saddened that any future children we might have will never know my dad, since he was the best pop pop ever to my sister's two boys.

Your child will know your dad through the memories you share of him.

Valerie G. said...

You have made me cry with this post. My dad passed away when I was 14 very suddenly and I too realize that I never really appreciated him or told him how much I loved him, and now my mom is gone too; so I have that thought in my mind too... that my kids will never get to meet them and see how wonderful they are, they will never be spoiled by them; it saddens me. I never had grandparents neither since my mother had me when she was older and they were gone before I was born.

I just wish they were still here...

Valerie G.

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