So today I took my first Pole Dancing/ Strip Workout class. I almost didn't go for a variety of reasons -- not wanting to give up my time with Lucy, having a sore throat, not wanting to show how absolutely awkward I really am to a room full of strangers...to name a few. I went though.
I hesitated mostly because I cherish every moment on the weekends with Lucy. I get so little time with her during the week that come weekend time I rarely ever go out and do anything on my own. Ever. Ask I my friends, they haven't seen me in, oh, about 10 months. To be absolutely truthful I'm perfectly happy not socializing or having outside interests, not doing anything but hang out with my girl. There, I said it. I'm not saying its right, but its true. I've become that mom. But something tells me that 10 months into this motherhood thing might be a good time to branch out a little, especially doing things that are for a couple hours only. A mom with other interests, be they few and far between, is a better mom for it. Or so I hear. So I sucked it up and told myself that from 2-4 pm is usually Lucy's naptime anyways and went.
Let me let you in on a little secret about myself post-baby. Since Lucy has been born I have felt feel about as sexy as this:
...and that's on a good day. I'm skinner than I've been in years, almost down to my wedding weight of 128 lbs. and I still feel, well, blah. There isn't really any other way to describe it. I just have a very overwhelming blah-ness that I see when I look in the mirror. I feel like now that I'm a mom it is just too hard to separate Mom-Bev from Sexy-Bev...in fact, Mom-Bev has just plain taken over and there just isn't room, or time, for Sexy-Bev. Man, she's so bossy that Mom-Bev...
I used to feel sexy without trying hard at all. I mean of course I had my off days, don't we all? But I'd like to say pre-baby I felt good about myself more often than not. Not to toot my own horn but, damn, I looked good. Cute body, nice hair, put together clothes, I wore a little makeup but still looked young and fresh, and pretty hot (ok, now I am tooting my own horn. Shamelessly).
Nowadays, my hair has gone wild post-pregnancy (and by wild I really mean wiry and gray, yes gray!), even with the weight loss I still have a woobly muffin around my middle and even with makeup on I still look...blah.
So, if you haven't figured through my long explanation, I am need of some major help in the sexiness department so when a friend of mine at work invited me to a Pole Dancing/Strip Class I was intrigued. So I went, and I'm glad I did. I'm not going to go into the specifics of the class (I did get to swing around the pole though), but I will tell you that I got some much needed perspective on sexiness. That is, I still can be sexy. Yes, it'll be awkward at first, but sexiness is like that old adage of falling off a horse, you just need to get back on again no matter how scary (by scary I mean ridiculous) it feels.
I'll back back for the next Pole Dancing/Strip class next Sunday... It may take a little while but I'm bringing sexy back.
"I think the quality of sexiness comes from within. It is something that is in you or it isn't and it really doesn't have much to do with breasts or thighs or the pout of your lips. "