So, a little late on this one but we're done with breastfeeding, as of the beginning of February. I'm sad to be done and honestly, I would have continued it my supply wasn't such an issue at the end. No amount of oatmeal or Mother's Milk Tea would make Lucy any less frustrated when the let-down wasn't as fast as she wanted. It was just unpleasant for us both at the end. All in all though, I loved that time with her. I loved the bonding. I loved our quiet times together, before the screaming and frustration hit.
We went down to one feeding before bed, and then one night we just didn't do it and she was fine. Went to sleep like a dream. Me not so much, I laid awake thinking of the fact that she is growing up before my eyes. We nursed on and off for a couple weeks and them one last time, about a week into it, and then we were done. Forever. So permanent, right? It makes me tear up just thinking about it. That one last time, in the quiet, dark of her room. She was half asleep and didn't fuss or cry, I knew it was the last time and a part of me was relieved that I wouldn't have to fight to keep up the supply anymore, but most of me was so sad to see this time in Lucy's life move on.
I have a feeling I'm going to be that mother that cries at every stage. I see all the wonderful, exciting and new things that she does and I love them all, but a little bit of me cries every time because I know we're that much closer to heading off to preschool, wanting to hang out with friends instead of momma, asking to be dropped off at the mall, driving away from her at college. I just want to hang on to every moment. So I hung on. That last moment when we we were part of one another. She's always a part of me, but breastfeeding was connection that I am so grateful for.
I'm glad I powered through the discomfort and blocked ducts, the low supply and the awkward pumping at work. I'm glad I insisted on pumping in the parking garages and the on-street parking of work seminars, covered not-so-inconspicuously by my nursing cover. What? I'm just sitting here...in my car...no biggie! Stop staring! I'm thankful for the good-natured jokes I endured I got from the girls at work when I kept my milk in glass jars in our office fridge because I didn't want to waste all those tiny plastic bags (canning jars with plastic tops work wonders!). I'm grateful for every second of it.
Its the end of an era in my life, but still just the beginning of hers. Where does the time go?
"The only thing worth stealing is a kiss from a sleeping child. "