Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Just to keep me on my toes...

So I went in for my cycle day 21 bloodwork on Monday morning after still no clear confirmation of my O day. Today I get a call from my Doctor's office asking me to come in for a "follow-up" on my bloodwork. See this is where I get ridiculous, instead of simply asking the nurse if there is any way they could tell me more over the phone I just let her make me an appointment for 2:10 tomorrow afternoon. Why am I such a wimp? I mean I'm paying for these tests to be done but in my mind I almost feel like I don't get to get my answers over the phone. I should have just asked her but for some reason I just couldn't do it, probably because I'm struck dumb by the panicked voice in my head (note: I don't actually hear voices, don't worry!)

"If it was good news they wouldn't have me come in!"

"Maybe I didn't O after all"

"Maybe I've got low progesterone"

"Maybe they found something else"

"I'm probably not pregnant..."

That is how it would sound if I did in fact have a voice in my head...which I don't, I swear. I'm just really not an optimistic person, not anymore. I think my optimism left me waaaay back on Cycle #6 or something like that.

I just know that they don't have you come all the way in for nothing, and if I get there and find that they're just going to tell me that everything checked out ok I'll be pissed! Believe me not one would be more incredibly relieved than me if I found out that everything is going according to the plan!! However, since I'm paying for these IF related visits out of pocket, missing work and driving all the way to North Portland to this doctor I would not be a happy camper about them having me spend my time and money on something that could definitely be told over the phone. After that initial annoyance, I'd still be really excited though, don't get me wrong! Deep down I know that isn't the way this doctor works, so I'm just bracing myself for not-so-great news. I'm just hoping it isn't that I haven't O'ed at all... please let it be something little like low progesterone that I can be give meds for.

Although I do have some good news, the spotting has not started up on this cycle, so the Clomid must have done something right! That makes me really happy and it lets me hold on to the slightest bit of hope still... Wish me luck tomorrow!

"Three grand essentials to happieness in this life are something to do, something to love, and something to hope for."
-Joseph Addison

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Hey Bev- this is EdsdollfaceJen from Wedding Woes/Relationships on the knot- I just wanted to let you know that you're in my thoughts and I check here weekly to see how it's all going! I'm sure it's going to happen soon!!


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