Wednesday, September 5, 2007

Peeing on sticks

I'm done with my first round of Clomid. Other than the raging hot flashes, I now know what it feels like to be a menopausal woman and let me tell you it is not fun, I haven't had any other side effects! Lucky Rob, he escaped the wrath of moody, so he definitely dodged a bullet this time!

The hot flashes were insane, I could be anywhere minding my own business and the next minute I'd feel like it was 100 degrees and sweat would be pouring down my back! I've been a hot, sweaty mess for the past 5 days. All the sudden I'd be begging for the air conditioner on at full blast when it was only 69 degrees outside or peeling off my clothing at the most inappropriate moment, such as while on a business lunch with the president of a competing real estate firm, he probably thought I was hitting on him. Sleeping has been impossible as well. With no covers and the air conditioner down to 66 degrees I've been burning hot and awake every night. Poor Rob would try and snuggle against me to no avail, the minute he's touch me I'd hiss "Noooo! Too HOT!!!" while he shivers under a quilt and our down comforter! He's such a trooper!

This morning presented a particularly funny situation. My doctor has told me that it was fine for me to use my CBEFM starting today (cycle day 10), but since I had heard that they're not too reliable when you're on Clomid I decided to be safe and use OPKs (Ovulation Predictor Kits) as a backup. I am SO not missing my ovulation date this month! So after $90 dollars spent at Wallgreens for my refill CBEFM sticks and my OPKs we headed home. I commented that it would be hard to pee on two separate sticks the next morning and DH just laughed and said, "Please, at this point you could hit a stick from a mile away"... so true!

So since you have to use FMU (first morning urine) I woke up at 6 am this morning and had to pee so incredibly bad. I head to the bathroom and pick up a OPK stick and a CBEFM stick. Remind yourself that at this point I really, REALLY need to pee. I find that the damn things are more secure than Fort Knox. They are fully childproof, animal proof, human proof and would probably withstand a nuclear blast. It is ridiculous. Imagine me, hopping on one foot to the other, holding my crotch (I'm not going to lie, TTC is not glamorous and at this point I'm glad Rob is fast asleep because this is not a pretty sight) trying to rip the stupid things open with my fingernails... when that doesn't work I try biting the top of the wrapper, for the first 3 or so tries all I get is tiny pieces of wrapper in my mouth. I spit them on the floor frantically and continue chomping at the wrappers until I can wrestle the sticks out. Victory! I've triumphed over both wrappers, sure it was a vicious battle but now I finally can pee. However, it isn't over yet, I now must pee on one stick, and then stop peeing long enough to switch sticks, then can continue peeing on the next stick. It is not fun or easy to stop peeing mid-stream. What a circus. Do you ever feel like " If God is watching me right now, he must be cracking up"? That was truly one of those moments, a moment you hope isn't replayed when your whole life flashes before you because you just look so freaking ridiculous. But I did what I had to do. It is a bit anticlimactic all of that since I'm not even close to Oing yet, but at least I can chalk it up as a practice round, by the time I'm Oing I'll be a pro. Maybe tomorrow morning will go a little smoother, since I'm fully planning on being prepared and leaving scissors in the bathroom tonight before bed. Take that OPK/CBEFM wrappers! I'll be ready for you tomorrow!

"Sometimes life seems like a dream, especially when I look down and see that I forgot to put on my pants."
-Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy


Melissa (bettie on the nest) said...

I have been reading your blog and following your posts on the nest and I just wanted to say that I hope this is your cycle and am glad that things are progressing for you. I also wanted to tell you that you write very well, you should consider maybe submitting some of your blog entries to a parenting magazine or something. It really is well written and interesting to read.

Marcy said...

I thought you weren't supposed to use FMU with opk's? Oh well, I guess that's what I get for trusting info I got only from the nest. ; )

Good luck with the peeing and the o'ing and hopefully the fertilizing!! =P

bevjane24 said...

About the FMU. I posted on the nest about it this morning and I was the one in the wrong, it should be afternoon pee. I didn't know that! The doctor didn't tell me and neither did the box! Tomorrow is going to be MUCH easier now that I know this... I'm still bringing the scissors though! ;)

Josh & Karly said...

Thank you for the laugh! It's good to know that i'm not alone in my battle against the OPK wrapper - those things are tough. Good Luck!

EJW said...

Pee in a cup. Then you can dip all the sticks you want.

Megan (think waaaaay back!!) said...

Bev!!! I hadn't been on the knot in ages (pregnant brain makes you forget a lot!!) but I just found this wonderful blog of yours. I have to thank you for the laugh (although not at your expense) I got pregnant twice on Clomid, am currently carrying the second success with it. Your explination of the hot flashes was EXACTLY as I described it to people, down to me saying I now know what my mom went through with menopause. I also remember peeing on the sticks, I was so convinced I should take stock out in ClearBlue Easy. Through all the hot flashes with Clomid, it's obviously worth it! Keep me posted and if you have ANY questions, please don't hesitate to ask :)

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