Saturday, October 20, 2007

Blindsided

I was really bummed today that my spotting had once again shown up for the 7th cycle..or maybe its the 8th... I'm losing count. Today it was pink rather than brown so that was different, I refused to get my hopes up thinking it was implantation spotting.

So I go to work this afternoon and when I come home what do I find? AF has shown up full force on CD 25 only 10 dpo that is 5 or 6 days early. What.the.hell?? This is so frustrating, I feel like something is seriously wrong with my stupid body. I've never been this early, and this is a medicated cycle so it shouldn't be like this! Also, last Clomid cycle I had horrendous cramps, worse than I've ever had, the night before AF showed up... this time nothing. nada. zilch in the way of AF symptoms. I was totally blindsided. I don't know what to do with myself besides call the doctor for an appointment, I have to know what is going on. First the pain on Tuesday and then this, my body is trying to tell me something for sure.

So on we go to cycle #20, the last medicated cycle before an HSG in December. Merry Christmas. Sorry for the unfunny, cranky tone of this blog tonight. I don't have it in me to try and be funny, or optimistic.... or anything besides tired of this whole journey right now.

"I've finally realized what life is all about...it's about hanging on when your heart has had enough. It's about giving more when you feel like giving up."
-Author Unknown

4 comments:

Erin said...

Bev- just so you know- I love you. And I think you're incredibly strong for enduring all of this with such a positive attitude.

I've been thinking of you lots lately, and hope everything turns out wonderfully.

:hugs:

Erin (your long lost Knot twin)

My Thoughts said...

Hi, I follow your story from the nest, and i am so sorry you are going thru this...i can relate and i feel like i am reading my own words when i read your blog. it is so unbelievably frustrating. thanks for your blog, it makes me feel like I am not alone!

princealexsmomma said...

so sorry. you are in my thoughts and prayers. good luck at your doctor's appointment. hopefully you will get some answers.

Diana said...

I'm so sorry. Hugs to you. :(

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