Monday, December 3, 2007

An Addendum to my 2 cents...

Disclaimer: This is not an apology because honestly, this is my blog and it is a place where I go to vent, relieve stress, be funny, be bitchy and above all be myself. I'm not here to be politically correct or say what everyone else thinks I should say. But on the other hand I'm not trying to hurt anyone's feelings or make snarky statements just for the fun of it.

Here we go.

#1. This was not in regards to the T-TTCers at all. Not for women with PCOS or long cycles or anything like that. I was not talking about it in IF journey terms whatsoever. This was more towards the complete hysteria of some when they aren't knocked up right away when they first initially start trying to get pregnant. I'm not telling anyone how to feel, not at all, just suggesting step back and a look at the big picture. If you want to break down into hysterics, be my guest, although I have to say it probably isn't the healthiest TTC move.

#2. Am I judgemental. I can safely say, yes...yes I am. Isn't everyone? It is pretty much human nature. Can anyone safely say that they have absolutely no judgement about anything or anyone? If so, congratulations you are truly a better person than I am! Either that or you're lying. Example, do you look at the train wreck that is Britney Spears and not judge? If you can say "yes" in all truthfulness then honestly, you really are a better person than me. Me, I look at her and think, "Dude, she is a terrible mother and needs a come to Jesus talk from someone ASAP before she hurts herself or, heaven forbid, one of those children!"

#3. I made a comment on a message board once, around Cycle #7, feeling terribly sorry for myself. Someone replied to me, "Girl, I'm on Cycle #30.... you really don't have it that bad. Calm down." At the time I was terribly offended and thought that she was trying to make me feel bad, but deep down I think I was more embarrassed because I saw how petty it sounded in comparison. 7 cycles, hard, yes. The end of the world as I knew it, no.

#4. Yes, I'm only on my 3rd cycle of Clomid, true. We've been trying for #21 Cycles. I've been off of BC for almost 4 years, and we were not preventing. If we could have been more proactive I like to think we'd be on to IUIs on IVF by now but unfortunately as a self-employed person who has no IF coverage for diagnosis or treatment whatsoever, I did not have that luxury. Now that I have a new job that has fantastic medical, I'm hoping we can make things move a little quicker.

#5. I'm not trying to make anyone's pain less. I'm simply expressing a point of view. I'm all for people venting and being upset at AF/BFN but at an early stage in the game I, personally, think that it may be a little ridiculous for you to be:

A. Lying to your doctor about how long you've been trying in order to get tests done sooner because you just cannot possibly wait until the 6 month/year mark even though you hand perfectly regular cycles and are ovulating.
B. Threatening to overdose on OTC drugs because you're still not pregnant after 5 cycles and you are a failure as a wife.

Those are actually things I have seen in the past couple weeks. Yes, really.

Anyways, although I'm not apologizing for what I wrote, I just wanted to offer some further explanations because it became quite heated in the comments section.

Ps. I do moderate my comments section but ALWAYS post actual responses, if this is hotbod1029 or I don't post yours because frankly, I'm not interested in setting up a chat with you via live webcam nor am I interested in enlarging my partner's manhood.


JustBoo said...

What if I'm a real person who can promise to enlarge your husbands member?

No need to apologize, it's your damn blog and you have every right to say whatever you want to.

They don't like it, they can go google themselves in their rss feed.

Anonymous said...

I posted a reply originally about having PCOS. I hope that you did not think that I was criticizing I was agreeing with you 100%. I don't think that you should have had to apologize. I was only trying to back you and still do. I was not at all confused that this was some how aimed at those
T-TTCers and I'm not sure how anyone might confuse that. Anyway, I love your BLOG, I am also judgemental and you should feel free to post whatever you want on here and try to ignore the rude comments.

Monica said...

Amen, Boo! Bev, I wholeheartedly support your .02 cents, and I'm shocked that anyone would dare call you out for what you write on your own blog....Certainly, we enjoy reading it, but you don't write it for us. Ugh. Some people.

You just keep having your opinions, girl. And keep writing about them. You still inspire the majority of us.

Trish said...

All of that was fairly clear in your original post. But I'm glad you broken it down for the slow folks. ;)

The Infertile One said...

You are right on! I applaud you for standing your ground and voicing your opinion!

bevjane24 said...

No no! It wasn't the PCOS post that it was in response to! ;)

bethkevin said...

aw don't wanna chat via webcam? it'll be fun! :o)

i heart you girl...don't apologize for being right.

Amy said...

Hey there. I have been follwing your journey for a while now. I agree with you. It sucks no matter where you are in the journey.

BUT, a BFN on cycle 3, 6, 9, etc is totally different than the disappointment month after month after 30 cycles.

I frequent the TTTC board on the nest and I sometimes feel bad bitching because I KNOW so many have been through so much more than me.

I think you have a valid point. Women get all pissy because it took ??cycles to get pregnant and now won't have "fill in the season" baby. Where someone who is dealing with years of trying might think "will I have a baby EVER"

Don't apologize foryour feelings, they are valid.

Leah said...

I don't think an apology was needed, but for those that were critical of what you posted, it was necessary.

I'm glad to hear you weren't pointing fingers at us TTTC, or with a Dx.

And agreed with the people on trying for 5 months and then wanting to throw in the towel. It's a tad crazy.

Anonymous said...

I don't think you actually want a baby at this point, because if you had a baby you'd be just like everyone else and lose all the message board attention you've come to love. No one makes special message board blinkies for a plain old pregnant woman!

Jennifer said...

I applaud you for standing up. I'm just in the beginning of this T-TTC journey and do to a medical condition, there is a very good chance I won't get pregnant the traditional way.

I think what you said at the beginning of the post is the most important... this is your blog and your forum to say whatever you'd like!!

mrstotty said...

Bunnies, it's YOUR blog, you're allowed to bitch and vent about whatever or whoever you want. And honestly, as someone who got her BFP on her first go, I can't believe you're not more pissed off at the world than you seem to be in your blog. You're handling this entire chapter of your life with more grace, style and humor than anyone I've ever met.

You go girl.

bevjane24 said...

Wow. That was an incredibly spiteful thing to say. It must be nice to be able to say those things and be completely anonymous.

Your right, because the support of complete strangers in the form of a blinkie on an internet message board is so much better than a baby! Wow. Just Wow.

StephanieBride1 said...

I have just recently joined botb and one of your posts was the first that I ever read. I have followed your blog since then, and I am so sorry for all the pain that you are going through. Even though I don't "know" you I support you and wish you all the success in the world.
I hope that after your hiatus you come back to us with a BFP because you truly deserve to be a mom.
Good luck with your new job. Enjoy DH and your dogs as well!
I will miss you!

Shannon said...

I can't believe some people. why is it necessary to post spiteful things like that??? and hide behind an anonymous name at that? It's easy to be the bully when no one knows who you are.

Bunnies, you didn't need to apologize. a blog is your place to post your thoughts, it shouldn't be for anyone else.

telly said...

I agree with anonymous...some women on the nest (those that pride themselves with their "snarkiness") are consumed by online popularity. At some point you will understand this, I hope...I hope you all get preganant and see what life is really about and focus your attention on not how witty or bitchy you can be...but on better things. Think about what good you could have done in the time it took you to over-analyze other people's comments in these blogs of yours? Maybe bring awareness to infertility, raise money or volunteer at a clinic?? Karma is a bitch, baby, and being a self proclaimed bitch obviously isn't helping you out any!! Why don't you turn over a new leaf and become someone your future child would be proud of?

friendlee_nestie said...

You are entitled to be upset, annoyed and frustrated by other people's comments.

This anonymous poster who accused you of wanting not to be pregnant to have a fan-base is delusional. It's just a hurtful thing to say and it's clearly based on many assumptions about who you are as a person.

Don't let the 'woman' get you down.

Good luck with the new job! I hope you'll continue to blog, I enjoy reading! You are very witty and sassy (in all the good ways)!

shrinkedink said...

I have followed your blog from the nest for some time and have to say, I haven't really seen you throw yourself a pitty party. Normally people want updates from you so we know your business a lot more than others. At the same time, I think when people freak out early it's because people are aware that IF could happen to them and are afraid that this is the begining of a long road. Everything seems more amplified when it comes to this. It can be annoying but I try to look at it as people are scared of that it will never happen for them. Just like you. I will still continue to root for you and everyone that wants a child, cycle #1 or cycle #100. I think you do too.

bevjane24 said...


I appreciate your opinion, but think of the good you could have done with your time instead of writing that comment on my blog? You could have been doing any of the things that you said to me, but yet you are taking your own time to reply to my blog because you feel the need to bring me down a peg or two.

I am proud of the person I am, even if I have a day once in awhile where feel the need to write out my pent up bitchy feelings on my blog.

Thanks though!

telly said...

Ok...I admit...part of my comment has to do with how ridiculous the nest is and how I feel it is too damn similar to a high school clique. Not all of that was meant for you, sorry! I spend my time looking for help with TTC (lurking) and have to weed through all that bs. But in all honesty, I wish you the best of luck and really think some of those boards have gotten out of control. I think you are right to take time away from it and realize what your priorities are. Sometimes getting knocked down a peg or two isn't a bad thing....I've been knocked many times. I applaud you for writing out your opinions and helps...but all of this has obviously had the opposite affect. If you have 1 second of stress because of nesting/ isn't worth it. Wishing you the best of luck, seriously.

bevjane24 said...


I do appreciate your honesty. The high school clique thing is exactly why I'm taking a break. I never set out to be Mrs. Popularity, but since I've been out of work since August, I've had entirely too much time on my hands at home. I love the support but I have my own support system here, so although it has been fantastic it isn't something I NEED.

I've been knocked down a peg or two several times in my life and there has always been a positive outcome! ;)

I still stand by what I said, I needed to vent and the support was overwhelming but also I realized that if I'm in the least bit bothered by anonymous people on the internet and what they think of me I definitely need to move on.

Anyways, thanks for both posts. Good luck to you too, wherever you may be in your journey.


ck2m said...

I agree with the other ladies this is your blog you are writing to help you self and others. If they have a problem with they shouldn't read it. I personally love when you add your .02 cents because I am equally as judgemental. Keep writing and a big FU@$ to those who don't like it.

lindsay said...

I can't even begin to fathom the pain you are going through. You have every right to feel the way you do.

Yodasmistress said...

Again Trish has beat me to the punch:

"All of that was fairly clear in your original post. But I'm glad you broken it down for the slow folks. ;)"

Get out of my head Trisha! Out! Now! There's barely enough room in here for me! Hahahahaha

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