Let me begin with yesterday morning when I went to take my OPK, as per my doctors instructions I use my second pee of the morning. This proves to be way trickier than instructed on my pamphlet. First of all, I pee at 7:00 every morning when I wake up. Normal no? Well instructions from my RE say "use second urine of the morning" which would be easier said than done except for the instructions on the OPK package instructs me to hold it for four hours and NOT drink anything (skip my morning tea??) before using my OPK. On top of it all I apparently must force myself to pee even though I've had nothing to drink BEFORE 10:00 in the MORNING. So let me break this down, pee once, no drinking all morning no tea or water or ANYTHING, then pee again even though you have nothing TO PEE all before 10:00. Easy!
So Sunday morning, I try and do this but get barley a trickle. ARGH! It blinks, indicating it is working and comes up with a negative. So I think I'm in the clear. However, my body begs to differ and gives me crazy ovulation pains all day long. So me, completely defying doctors clear instructions to "Please only test in the morning", test again last night around 6:30. Positive. Crap! What does this mean? I stress about it all night long and call the nurse first thing in the morning, she of course asks if I've taken one this morning. Seriously? It is 8 am how could I have pee for a second time WITHOUT DRINKING ANYTHING YET? These are medical professionals, do they not know that in order to pee you have to actually drink something? I say no. She is sure that tomorrow will be fine for my IUI but tells me to call if there is a negative when I actually take my OPK. She schedules Rob for 7:30 am Tuesday morning and me for 9:30 which is great because he won't even be late for work and I'll have time to tell my boss I'll need to leave for a couple hours.
Of course that would just be too easy. I finally work up a full enough bladder to pee around 11:45 (yes, it DOES take me that long!) and guess what, it is now negative. ?!#$%! So now I have to go stand outside my office (nosy co-workers do not need to know the status of my ovaries) and call the doctor's office, who decide that we should come in today, like now. Can your husband come right now? Now? Of course he can, he is sitting at home eating bonbons, he'll be right down. I call Rob.
Me: "Can you please go down and do it now?"
Me: "Yes now!"
Rob: "Are you kidding?"
Rob: "ARGH. What the hell? I can't get out of here until 1:00, so I wouldn't be able to get in until 1:30. What am I supposed to tell my boss?"
Me: "I'm sorry my BODY IS NOT COOPERATING. We can just cancel it this month if you can't make it ::cue the wobbly voice and start of the tears as I begin to lose it::"
Rob: "No no no! I'll make it. Call them and see if they can get my in at 1:45"
This is not how I imagined the conception of our child. Candles, some sexy lingerie, snuggling afterwards NOT arguing on the phone about the short notice of him needing to give a sperm sample. The doctor's office makes his appointment for 1:45 and mine is at 2:30.
I head downtown at 1:45 only to get a frantic call from Rob at 1:50.
Rob: "Where is this place!!!?? What is the cross street?"
Me: "Are you KIDDING ME? I told you a million times last time, you've been there three times and you can't find the damn place? AND IT IS ALREADY 1:50 AND YOU'RE NOT THERE YET?"
Rob: "I got here as fast as I could!!! Don't get mad at me"
Me: "Lovejoy! It is on LOVEJOY! Just like it was LAST TIME!"
Rob: "Alright I'm running in now."
So that is it. He gave his and ran back to work, I went in and the doctor shot me up. And that was is. No candles and lingerie but as Rob told me when I called him afterwards, "it is the outcome that matters." Which is true, it isn't like this is our only...er...intimate interaction, it is just unfortunate that those interactions cannot produce a baby. We've also been instructed to have sex tonight, which I believe is a ploy by doctors to let couples think that maybe, just maybe it wasn't the IUI done in a cold, sterile room with strangers, and that maybe that time it worked. One would never know for sure now would they? It is a nice enough sentiment, if this actually works this month I might just let myself believe it.
I also found out today that my insurance is not only covering basically no other diagnostics, but they do not cover "artificial insemination" as they told me. Lovely, they can't even use the correct terminology in their email to me. So we're basically paying for this totally out of pocket from now on. An IOU for my IUI. Let's hope this works! I could use all you've got for this cycle, hopes, prayers, good vibes...the whole shebang.
"You should've gone to China, you know, 'cause I hear they give away babies like free iPods. You know, they pretty much just put them in those t-shirt guns and shoot them out at sporting events."
-Juno (which happens to come out tomorrow on DVD!)