I was checking out at the store the other day, it was particularly busy that day and there was a long line behind me. I walk up to the girl behind the register and this is how our conversation goes (loudly, in public, with many people within earshot):
Me: "Hi. How are you"
C: "Very well thank you-- Oh LOOK at you! I just noticed that are pregnant!"
Me: "Yes, I am!"
C: "You know what? I had a water birth. How do you feel about water birth?"
Me: "Er, well, I'm not really considering it."
C: "You should. Really. It is wonderful. I didn't need any drugs or anything. Women should never need any drugs, they've been doing this for ages. Are you having drugs? You're not, are you?" ::disapproving look::
Me: "Er...um... I'm not quite sure yet." (please note that at this point I'm feeling super awkward because A.) She's speaking REALLY loudly and B.) I only have one item, which was rang up about 5 minutes ago.)
C: "Do you have music set up? I played music really loudly, not like Enya or any of that crap, I totally rocked out to ACDC and burned incense. I don't think anyone else at the waterbirth center liked it but I thought it was wonderful. You should do that."
Me: I don't say anything because A. I hate incense and B. I'm just desperately trying to escape at this point as the people in line behind me are getting antsy and staring...a lot.
C:"You know what I found to be really helpful?"
Me: Thinking to myself "No, but I bet you're going to tell me!"
C: "When I was at the end of my third trimester and really wanted to go into labor I stimulated my nipples." I swear her voice rose about three decimals at that point and EVERYONE in line behind me heard, "I just rubbed them really good, and had my husband rub them. Like this..." And then, in line, with about 7 people behind me she demonstrated, just for me, how she stimulated her nipples, "Yep, I went into labor 2 hours later. I just did this." Continues to make circular rubbing motion around nipples," My husband enjoyed it too. Not to hard, but not to soft. Works like a charm!"
Me: Staring at her in absolute dismay with my face tomato red, "Um...er...uh...thanks. I...um...have to go now..."
"Everything grows rounder and wider and weirder, and I sit here in the middle of it all and wonder who in the world you will turn out to be."