Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Rocking...

Tuesday nights Lucy and I are by ourselves. Most of the time I love having this one on one time with her. Even with my new schedule I still don't feel like we have enough time, so 4 straight hours of just Mama and Lucy is pure bliss. Rob goes to school on Tuesday nights so its our time to eat, play, bath time and read -- just the two of us.

Tonight I was tired. I didn't sleep well last night. Getting up at 4:45 am was rough this morning. Work was long. I didn't take a lunch and just worked from 6:00 am to 3:00 pm straight through. When I came home I played with Lucy, but in all honestly I was looking forward to the time when she goes to bed and I could just ...sit. Alone. Veg in front of the TV. Not need to entertain or make silly faces or watch every little move to make sure she doesn't put something she shouldn't in her mouth or take a dive into the coffee table. To just sit. Ahhh.

So 7:00 pm rolled around. We had played, we had eaten Tortellini and sweet potatoes for dinner, we played some more, we had done bath time with tons of bubbles, we had read 3 books. She went down easy, as she usually does, and I was back downstairs by 7:15.

Downstairs I sat. Sat and stared blankly at the Olympic coverage for 20 minutes. I was relieved that she hadn't fussed and was about to pick up my computer to write a much overdue blog entry when I heard her stir on the monitor. Stir and then whimper. Then "Mama...mama...mama". Then crying. 

So much for my relaxation.

I went upstairs and Lucy was sitting in her crib, holding forlornly onto her "Milo" (which we *think* is a stuffed horse, but aren't entirely sure). Crying. I went and picked her up, wrapped her in her blanket as she snuggled her head into my shoulder. In the dark I sat down into the old rocking chair in her room and rocked. Even when she had fallen fast asleep on my shoulder I kept rocking. Every time I thought about getting up and putting her back in her crib I thought about Layla Grace, and I held on. I gently rubbed circles in her back and felt her soft little feet. I rubbed her hair with my chin and I wrapped her fingers around my finger. I buried my nose into her neck and smelled her lingering just bathed baby smell. And I sat and rocked, and rocked, and rocked. Thought about Layla Grace, and her family and how they so loved her and so wanted her to stay with them.

I prayed. Prayed for that family. Prayed for the health and safety of my own. I savored the rocking, the snuggled up baby, who is growing out of her babyhood by the minute, on my shoulder. Promised myself that no matter how tired, I will not take it for granted.

Hold someone who is dear to you close tonight. Promise me you won't take any of it for granted?

"You and I will meet again
When we're least expecting it
One day in some far off place
I will recognize your face
I won't say goodbye my friend
For you and I will meet again"
 
-Tom Petty




13 comments:

Miss Amelia Jane. said...

This post almost brought me to tears. Even at 2 1/2, Amelia, faithfully every night, will brush her "teethy", we will read a "bookie" she picks out. She then grabs her blankie, binky and looks at me and says "rocky" and points to the rocking chair. She then says goodnight to daddy, kissing him and the she cuddles up to me until she points to her big girl bed and says "big girl bed, go night night". I just want to hold on a little longer, but realize that one day "rocky" will end. I feel ya lady... ;)

JenJen said...

Beautiful message. What an important reminder.....throughout the hustle and bustle of a chaotic life, children and those you love keep you grounded and stable. Their love never leaves you and their hearts are dependant on your ability to savor these precious moments with them each day. Wonderful!

AngelEmerz said...

I'm reading this at work and tears are rolling down my face! Thank you for posting this Bev, thank you :) ~Emily

The Coleman Family said...

Thanks for this post. I catch myself looking forward to the quiet time I can get alone after putting this kids to bed, but then I think of parents like Layla's parents who would give anything to hold her and protect her and comfort her. I pray for their peace. I pray that I will not take a single minute for granted with my own. Thank you for this precious reminder. You said it very well!

e.k. said...

my jaw just dropped when I read your post. because last night I did exactly that - I rocked my sweet boy longer than usual, I prayed my heart out for Layla Grace and her family, prayed my heart out for a miracle. and I cried for the injustice, for the pain, and for the sweetness of my little baby tucked into my arms.

ABLynch said...

Okay, this post DID bring me to tears! My 6 month old has decided that sleep is for sissy's and he would much rather be held from 2a-5a. I find myself getting really annoyed (and painfully tired) but this post just put it into perspective. Thank you!

Kristen said...

Beautiful post. All busy mothers (are there any that aren't?!) will relate. Thanks so much for putting it into words for us!

Lindsay said...

((Sobbing at my desk at work))

This post is beautiful, and so true.

Renee said...

Beautiful. I try to remember how fast it is gone and how quickly Bridget will be too grown up for cuddles with Mommy. And we all need a reminder sometimes!

Renee said...

Beautiful. I try to remember how fast it is gone and how quickly Bridget will be too grown up for cuddles with Mommy. And we all need a reminder sometimes!

shazz said...

Just Beautiful. It's my first visit and won't be the last.

Summer {Bisfor...} said...

beautiful. hard to read for me tonight. i saw your blog title and clicked on it bc i wanted to see if you had found success. our 4th ivf failed us. two healthy adults with one natural ectopic pregnancy and tube removed. I am very happy your lucy came true.

Le I Vy said...

Thank you for bring up Layla Grace - I am now and will continue to say prayers for her, and her family.

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